theres something wrong abt the way im living now

activity packed

yet fufilment is fleeting

its abit like a pontoon bridge methinks

goto rush over or ul sink...

u can run accross,

but theres never more than temporary support..

(ed: thing is, everything is really peachy on the epidermis/crust
heck even to the dermis/mantle
but maybe at the subcataneous/ outer core, things
are rather messy...
like a blood vessel tt gives life n works pretty ok
but threatens to break.
i guess the bible still puts it the best way:
an unanchored boat...
_______


perhaps....
im sinking regardless of tt half-measure of a bridge...

i know tt im wasting my time...

wasting away... minutes and hours tt will never come back
life is a take-away
or a macdonalds meal-
not for keeps...

i need ......
i know what i need but i dont.....
no i know what would make me feel better
which is probably what i need
but i dont want to experience tt wanting...

choice- peace with hunger
or restlessness with satisfaction.

***

Most people dont understand i think.....
i dont say tt the way an angst filled teenager might,
but more a statement of statistical fact.

(u noe the stakes)
ultimately its all abt giving up
abt dying to self
abt falling wheat
abt emptying tt tea cup

but right now i dun wanna....
n the game goes on...

ima, boku no kotoba wa genjitsu desu.

I feel the cry again.
The quiet cry
inside,
like a grotesque mastiff
clawing at the oak door..
no, not oak - it cannot be
for the hinges shake at the beast's
attacks - wood splinters and dust
loosens at each
boom. boom boom
surely it mus give way - oak is stronger.
***
masques are weaker tho more pervasive.